Today I am going to introduce what I have learnt in IIC. I have several skills that would be useful for my future, such as concentrate on positives when I am in bad moods, self-disclosure and giving positive response to criticism for better communication. However, these are not the most important aspects for me. This is because I cherish more on relationships. Besides, I don’t have good relationship with family members. Also, friends cannot always be with me. Therefore, love is the only thing I pursue in my entire life. However, there are lots of barriers on my love path.
My lovers just left me very soon and said “you are too good for me”. I wondered if it is just simply an excuse for breaking up with me. After the Developing and Enriching Intimate Relationship lesson, I realized the reason that none of them want to stay with me and commented I am too good for them. This is because I am having obsessive love with them, giving them too much love and so pressure. This is one of the obstacles for love to the lecture notes. On the other hand, we didn’t have a mutual direction for our future. We had intimacy and passion but no commitment was involved. The first thing I have to do is self-love.
This is because obsessive love only gives pressure to the other person. To have a healthy relationship, loving yourself is essential. Then, I have to plan a long-term involvement with that person. I used to have romantic loves. However, that is not I need, what I need is the consummate love. According to Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love, consummate love includes intimacy, passion and commitment. I will be open and honest to let my relationship grows healthy. “Learning to love doesn’t just happen if we meet the right person”. I believe if you want to have a good result, effort is necessary for it, even love.